Note: This was my first “reaction” to Untamed, posted on Instagram on April 4, 2020.
Before all of THIS happened in the world, I had started to feel this far away feeling. I know from years of therapy and my own learnings that this feeling is a distress call. It’s my insides waving at me like my Mom use to do from the beach when I’d gone too far out in the ocean. I’d look back and see her tiny self on the sand, thinking she was just saying hi until a lifeguard would suddenly appear out of nowhere, “casually” paddling by. He’d never have to say anything, I’d just roll my eyes and start heading back in knowing it was the right thing to do but resisting all the way. I’d dive under and hold my breath, inching my way into the shallow water one long minute at a time. I’d hang out there until the tide rolled me back to shore both resentful and grateful that I was closer to home.
Today, @glennondoyle reminded me of why we resist coming “home” when we are out there trying to make our way in the big ocean. It’s scary to come face to face with who you are meant to be after being conditioned over a lifetime to tame your “wild”. Story after story in this book has an equivalent in my own life – moments of dampening, numbing, shrinking, struggling, but also feeling and knowing I was meant to do braver things than what I was conditioned and what I have conditioned myself to do.
If there’s anything that will help us overcome all of this grieving and uncertainty, perhaps it’s knowing that this moment is forcing a return for many of us to our own center. I am discovering as the days go on that the far away feeling goes away the closer I get to acknowledging and embracing my internal “home”. #untamed